Day 101 (Savannuhhhhh Part Deux: The Taste of Defeat)

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In the morning I rode with Kaitlin and Miranda to their jobs at Americorps. Miranda found a moth with a broken wing. I studied it for a while, knowing that there was nothing we could do to help it. Darwin, you silly son of a bitch. Instead it was placed into the one of 16,000 parks this city has. You know, it’s so refreshing to be in a city that has trees instead of billboards. There is no need for a bag for which to vomit in as the ad-nausea is nonexistent. This is the most horticulturaly (not a word) influenced city I’ve visited thus far. But there’s still an influx of sand gnats. Therefore I could never live here.  Well the sand gnats and the fact that I am not proper enough. I’m more of a sassy sans classy kinda gal.

So my friend Marissa from high school lives in Savannah. We decided to meet up for brunch. It’s always a pleasure to see a familiar face on this trip. Not only that, but seeing just how much Marissa loves this city was really inspiring. She found a place she loved at such an early age and knew this was where she wanted to be. I’ve been to countless cities on this trip and I still have no clue where I’ll end up. Although, I’ve begun to embrace that. Anyway, we caught up and touched on things like pregnant cats, Georgia’s education system, what it’s like to be married, and general Savann-antics. Growing up, I always knew that Marissa was destined to be a mom, and it seems like she’s on the way. It’s always uplifting hanging out with people who so clearly have their shit together.

After we parted ways, I kind of aimlessly roamed around the city. There was a vague itinerary of things to do, like checking out museums, landmarks, and junk. I chose instead to sit in a park and absorb the foliage’s aura. I felt like a baby in a bassinette of southern comfort and charm. I met Miranda after work for a beer. One turned to three. The beer was ok but the company was better. Miranda dropped some serious numbers on me too. Like how 25% of the city’s population is living in poverty. Yes that’s right. Even behind the veil of moss trees and cobblestone streets lay a disparity of wealth. Every city I’ve been to has it. Every city I haven’t been to has it. The distribution of wealth has been unequal since the idea of wealth was manifested. Savannah is no exception to the rule. I could write for days about that, and still come up without a conclusion. Or I could write about the sequence of events that led me to lying on Miranda and Kaitlin’s hallway floor moaning in agony. That one sounds better.

Food eating competitions. I’ve never lost one. I take pride in the fact that I can call myself an undefeated champion in a sport that glorifies a deadly sin. Once the prospect of taking down another challenge became a reality, I jumped at the opportunity. Maybe it was the 3 beers talking, or maybe it was the fact that I haven’t gorged for quite some time, but I insisted on taking on 3 pounds of beef and a pound of fries. That was what stood before me. If I could accomplish such a feat in less than 35 minutes, I would walk away with a t-shirt, my name on the wall, and a free meal. So Miranda sat across from me in a booth and watched me attempt to tackle an unholy amount of beef and potatoes. As we awaited the meal, people’s skepticism grew. I was too small. I was too skinny. i wasn’t taking it seriously. Yada yada yada. Then it arrived. Three giant slabs of burger nestled between greasy buns all held together by a knife plunged down the center. I was in over my head. I began to doubt myself. I’m in way over my head. But what’s done is done. There’s no turning back now. After the first bite I knew hope was bleak. My pace was off. There was no rhythm to my bites. It wasn’t pretty. Miranda cheered me on as best she could. About 20 minutes into it I had to step away. I walked into the bathroom to collect myself. I stared at myself in the mirror and realized how disgusting this venture really was. But there’s still time. There’s still a possibility. Nope. Even though Miranda so courageously stole a portion of a patty off my plate when no one was looking, it wasn’t enough. Time was not on my side. I literally tasted defeat as I took my last bite. I had come close, but close doesn’t cut it in the professional food eating realm.

I didn’t hang my head in shame. I walked out of the restaurant with the declaration that I would soon return under different circumstances. I will defeat you next time burger challenge. Also I will be a little more prepared. Here are some factors that led to my demise:

1.)    I went into the challenge with three oat sodas sloshing around in my gut before even starting.

2.)    I failed to properly lubricate the beef with ample amounts of ketchup.

3.)    I had to eat across from a lady. A pretty one at that. I mean I am a scumbag, but I have some class. I’m not a total gavon.

Despite the fact that I let myself and my nation down, Miranda still wanted to hang out. So we waddled to a bar to play darts. Well she played darts. I mostly tried to do damage control on my tum tum. The perfect storm was brewing and it hit full force when we finally reached her apartment. So on their hallway floor I lay trying to pick up the pieces of a collapsed and defeated man. We all knew what had to be done. No one can sustain a healthy lifestyle with that much cow in their gut, so I pulled the trigger. It was elegant and peaceful. George Harrison was playing in the background. The worst was over. I put an end to my shame with one simple flush. Well, two. I mean, you have to factor in the courtesy flush. Like I said, I’m not a total scumbag.

Expelling an animal from another animal usually has positive ramifications for the expulsing animal. I felt like a hummingbird yet again. So Miranda and I watched Lost Boys, but mostly talked throughout the movie. Mostly about how boinkable Keifer Sutherland is in it. But then it happened. That connection you feel when you start to feel an magnetism with another human being. Lying next to each other we felt it. It. The same it that has brought us both so much agony and stress. It was there. But we fought it off. Because we both knew what would have come as a result. I would leave in the morning and we’d both spend our time wondering what could have been if I stayed. Honestly though, as I sit here and write this, I can’t help but wonder what could have been.