Day 119

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What once began as a blog about a simple bicycle trip has now morphed into one of relationships. The amount of time I spend writing about bicycle related material is dwarfed in comparison to my writing about my encounters with people I’ve met and connected with. Asheville was no exception to the rule and redefined my ideas of handling them. I stated how I didn’t feel entirely comfortable divulging the events that took place on this leg of the trip and I still abide by that. Honestly, it’s still a little difficult for me to do so because I haven’t fully processed them. What I can say is this. I learned a lot from Rachel, I learned a lot about myself, and I learned a lot about communication.

I have the luxury of choosing when to leave a city. There’s no reason why I couldn’t have spent 3 months in Cheyenne, Wyoming; or just a day in Athens, Georgia. I have the freedom to come and go as I please. So it becomes rather tricky when I meet a person who I connect with. It’s my decision on when I choose to leave. Sometimes it’s an easy one. This time it wasn’t. Our time together was exuberant yet that evil notion that it was limited continually reared its ugly head. I did not want to leave and Rachel agreed, however if I stayed, all my attention would be devoted to wondering why I had not finished this journey. That dramatically affected the dynamic of our relationship. Moments of true vulnerability surfaced. With that comes raw emotion and passion. What also came along was the realization that I have gotten alarmingly good at barricading myself from feeling any sort of romantic feelings out of fear of getting burned. When you enter a relationship with the predetermined notion that it is finite, the ability to truly open one’s self up is drastically more difficult. I think I’m done writing about this here. Every city looks the same. Every tree. Every sidewalk. Everything. Every person looks the same. Except for the one you’ve got on your mind.

I think I made the right decision to leave. I don’t know, I just think. The closer I get to the finish, the more and more I realize that I don’t really know anything. I just think a lot. And right now I’m thinking about her.

Stats:

Miles: 76.90

Time: 7:06:17

Calories: 3756

Total Ascent: 4073 ft.

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2 responses to “Day 119

  1. You can always go back, life is never a linear thing, is it? sometimes i feel like its woolen ball that got messed up by kitten.
    Just gota undo all the (k)nots and love it 🙂

  2. Agree with the above but; “I have gotten alarmingly good at barricading myself from feeling any sort of romantic feelings…” Then there shouldn’t be any problem in leaving right? What bounces off you sticks to them. The thing is though that each of these women who have helped build out your blog have given of themselves to you. Perhaps one day you will find the courage and will to give of yourself back to one of them in return.Otherwise they are all just one of the many, with the same meaning attached. It’s a scary proposition, but one that can have invaluable rewards.The thing to remember is that although you can’t or won’t give of your physical self, the best thing you can give all women equally is truth and honesty. Good, bad or indifferent. Like you have your bike and the next destination to help you heal, your truth can help them do the same, otherwise it becomes just a selfish action. By the way, of course you have to move on in your journey, otherwise you can’t ever really know what you had right in front of you. Such is life.

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